X203 HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH (1/29/99)

MOVIE
In the third installment of Hellraiser, we find Pinhead frozen in a concrete block after failing to pay his mob debts. When the block is found by J.P. Monroe, the young owner of the popular South Beach club Man Hole, all hell breaks loose. He decides a huge stone pillar with ghoulish faces would make a great addition to his Casa d'Amour, right next to the Iron Maiden and sex swing. With the aid of Monroe, Pinhead lures young men and women, but mostly men, into the Love Cave where he attaches tenterhooks and chains to their nipples. Using the collection of nipple flesh and blood, Pinhead escapes from his stone prison. Now free, he seeks out the Rubik's Cube that has the power to send him back to hell. Unfortunately for him, Terry Farrell, super reporter, bought it at a fire sale to give to her lesbian lover, Terri (played by Cupid's Paula Marshall who's made previous HomeGame appearances in Warlock: The Armageddon and Full Eclipse). There's something about Pinhead's good alter ego living behind a mirror which is clearly not important. Long story short, Terry has flashbacks to NAM where she was a prostiture servicing VC soldiers, Paula Marshall learns to love again thanks to Trevor, and Pinhead makes a bunch of Cenobites before getting sent back to hell. Maltin give is a *1/2 and decides Paula Marshall is a rising star to keep your eye on (still no word on Sean Whalen though).

HELL ON KEYBOARDS
CutterEQ> Dimension...so this is a one-dimensional film, seeing as it's in the singular?
BEMaven> oh, great. the title arrived late for the opening.
BEMaven> this reminds me of the eye test for my drivers license.
Ironf> Tony Randall helped write this?
Q> no actual clive barkers were used during the production of this motion picture
Balthayzr> And Pinhead practices his Parellel parking.
BEMaven> a member of Stray Cats wanders onto the set by mistake.
Balthayzr> How would you tell if vandals defaced this place?
BEMaven> hell's voting booth.
Balthayzr> The world's biggest Marital aid. And it's all mine!!
Q> wow, jesus has really fallen on some hard times there
CutterEQ> And so the guy just has enough money to buy the demonic-looking sculpture. I say again...VICTIM!!!
CutterEQ> Hulk hogan struggles to make ends meet.
Ironf> All I can say is she's no Chase
BEMaven> the boiler room! you know, Freddie Kreuger?
Balthayzr> You need to study Sharon Stone to learn proper leg crossing techniques.
CutterEQ> Next on ER: When whips and chains go horribly wrong!
Balthayzr> Cheers: The Next Generation.
Balthayzr> Yet another band, pinning it's hopes on a sountrack to a bad movie.
CutterEQ> Meanwhile next door in the Mafia club...
BEMaven> folding chairs... hope there's a wrestling match.
Q> hey, look, one of those guys from mad max beyond thunderdome is doing a lap dance back there
Ironf> NAM!!!!
CutterEQ> Little house on the battlefield.
Balthayzr> The Hills are alive....with the sound of gunfire.....
Q> wow, i hate it when my helicopter's music box spring winds down
Balthayzr> "Tonight, on Action News! Man Detonates in Hospital! But first, part 5 of our 6 part series on Wacky pet owners!"
Balthayzr> Brooke Shields IS Dr Laura IN Coffee Klatch: The Movie!
CutterEQ> "Hey, don't touch the statue there! Sensitive area!
Balthayzr> She looks like someone trying to be the Pulp Fiction Poster.
CutterEQ> Obi-Wan Pinhead
Balthayzr> "Hey! Your lease strictly forbids ANY Hell-borne statuary!"
CutterEQ> "There is a place at my right hand for you...you don't want to know what I do iwth my left hand."
Balthayzr> I was cleaning my Pinhead, and it went off.
CutterEQ> 'Scuse me, I'm doing some sewing, could I borrow some pins?
THX-1138> The box has a chip that can crack all government codes!
Balthayzr> And we have Glasses-make-me-look-smarter sign.
BEMaven> oh, god. Ro-Man is targetting her.
Balthayzr> Hot Oil Thumb Wrestling!
CutterEQ> Wow...that is one evil-looking Rubiks Cube.
Balthayzr> Boy, Hell has lousy cable. But, that would kinda figure, huh?
THX-1138> What's in the box?! What's in the fuckin' box?!
Balthayzr> Joey's been polishing her cube? Cool.
Balthayzr> "Hi, this is Joey. I'm busy summoning demons from the pit of Hell, but if you leave your name and number...."
THX-1138> Have you seen my Carbonite Han Solo replica?
CutterEQ> Come on in lady, I'll just get the knives, why don't you strip naked and chain yourself to the statue.
BEMaven> she doesn't know how to dress for Mustard Gas.
Balthayzr> Yes, lets have sex right here in front of my demonic phallic symbol!
CutterEQ> Brass Knuckles...it's what's for dinner.
Ironf> Momma said knock you out
THX-1138> These talking goth fridges never took off.
CutterEQ> Wow...pinhead's circumcisions are vicious!
Balthayzr> You know, I am completly suprised Pinhead betrayed him.
Ironf> Tostitos and Whores. Two great tastes that go together
Balthayzr> I understand Precious Roy was selling Pinhead Pillars.
Ironf> SUCKERS!
BEMaven> if she gets Remeber Wenn, I quit.
BEMaven> she got an apartment next to hannibal lechter?
Balthayzr> What, was the war called on account of darkness?
Balthayzr> Wow, Pinhead takes girls to the most romantic places.
CutterEQ> I can't act in your world...in fact, I can't act anywhere.
Balthayzr> In the fall, Pinheads shed their pins....
Plumm> You must strip . .. for the Reich.
Balthayzr> Actually, her apartment building was annexed into Hell after New York redid it's borders. That'll happen when you don't go to Town Meetings.
BEMaven> that's it. hell's gone too far by pirating cable.
Ironf> Looks like Chuck Zito made Pinhead mad
CutterEQ> Can the box cure the common cold and clean your windows too?
Balthayzr> You know, I always stroll leisurly thru scenes of mass-murders. Pack a lunch, make an afternoon of it.
Balthayzr> Tonight's Celebrity Deathmatch! "Pinhead" from HellRaiser vs. "Pinhead" from Puppetmaster!
THX-1138> Pinhead! He has the power to control fire hydrants and live wires!
CutterEQ> She's wearing her easy spirit pumps?
Ironf> She's like Jason, an even stroll and she still gets there quickly enough
Balthayzr> That's what I call a Fish-Eye lens.
THX-1138> It's good he found work again in Virus.
Ironf> Good thing that building was made from foam bricks
Balthayzr> Pinhead is the master of Stop-Motion!
Ironf> Thanks for the bloody breast grope
Balthayzr> Oh, no, they've become a Warrior's Gang!
Ironf> This construction site.....is clean.
Ironf> I still don't see why they felt the need to intersplice pieces of Kurosawa's 'Dreams' in this
THX-1138> Now you see why good will never triumph over evil, because good is DUMB!
BEMaven> "you're so ripe". well, she forgot to shower.
CutterEQ> Microsoft Windows 666.
THX-1138> Tune his ass!
CutterEQ> "Send me to hell! Use FedEx!"
Ironf> Doughboy is mine. I shoot wads....of evil dough at people.
Balthayzr> She was found, alive and of normal size, with no holes in her shirt, 50 miles away...
BEMaven> she'll go through the window which is a door which leads to purgatory's chimney...
CutterEQ> Welcome to Cenobite plaza. Also known as Microsoft.
Balthayzr> "The cenobites in this film were no way mistreated, and their use was monitored by the Cenobite Humane Society."
Balthayzr> Well, I learned that all puzzle games are evil.
BEMaven> I learned never to date ladies who go throught windows.
Balthayzr> I learned not to swear at the nice cenobites.
Ironf> I think we are almost beyond learning anything new at any of these movies.
CutterEQ> I learned that Rubik's Cubes are all evil, and you should never ever solve one.
Balthayzr> I just learned this movie involved "research".
Ironf> I learned log ago that playing with your blocks is no better than playing with your balls.
THX-1138> I learned Disney missed out by passing on the Cenobite Club.
Ironf> I've learned that most of the web is set up for a 800X600 monitor setting though, but that's a different story for another time
CutterEQ> I learned to lay off the booze when my Chthulu commemorative statue starts talking to me.
CutterEQ> I also learned you should never mix BDSM with fishing tackle.

ISPEP> QROW WANTS ME TO TELL YOU YOY WILL ALL PAY.
"I'm looking for a pretty girl."
"He's a punk, I'd never dance with him or anything."
"I'm a kitchen virgin."
"Come to daddy."
"Bring her to me, boy."
"I can't act in your world, Joey."
"I'm gonna enjoy making you bleed."
"Joey! Send me to hell!"
"Just come here and die child, while you still have the option of doing it quickly."
"You´re so ripe, Joey."