When last we visited the planet of the apes, Chuck Heston was doing his damnedest to rid of us of the smelly creatures by nuking them all to hell. Your friendly neighborhood RKBA activist failed in his mission however. Just as Taylor was entering the Lagrange Codes public key sequence, Roddy McDowell was beating up the guy wearing the Cornelius costume and joining Zira for a joyride in James Franciscus' space jalopy. Roddy enters *69 on the control pad, and soon they cough up the extra 60 cents and hit "1" for a return call to the 70s. Kim and Roddy and some other damn monkey who dies sooner or later kick back Ghandi style while scientists probe them with bananas. Then some special blue-ribbon panel interrogates and lets them go shopping, until they change their mind and hunt them down like dogs. Zira spawns Milo and leaves the space seedling with Ricardo Montahlbahn, who promises to raise him into a fine young decrepit Roddy McDowall who can carry his own sequel. Then Cornelius and Zira fall off a boat and die.
GRAPE APE
MrBooze> Water! The source of all credits!
MrBooze> Did you check the vector, Victor?
MrBooze> Helicopters doodying in our oceans... on the next Springer
BEMaven> So now AAA recovers our spacecraft?
BEMaven> No wonder they crashed, someone painted over the space helmets.
MrBooze> Oh my god! They're russian women!
MrBooze> VOYAGE...to the bottom of the sea!
BEMaven> 9 months in the Mir is wayyy too long for anyone.
Ironf> This is just the opening of Riptide with the monkey's chroma-keyed in
BEMaven> give them the 21 poop salute.
MrBooze> Frank Capra...JR
MrBooze> Excuse me? Where's the little chimp's room?
Ironf> This role just screams GK
BEMaven> So NASA sublets from Fox studios?
MrBooze> Damn vegetarian commie apes!
* MrBooze needs to replace his diaphragm
BEMaven> What? What? He's Capt. Binghamton's stepdad.
Plumm> Captain Leadbottom froom McHale's Navy on the right
MrBooze> They travel with stoneware and silverware?
BEMaven> Well, they sorta look like chimps, I guess.
MrBooze> Did she just pootie?
Ironf> I like how they picked up this thread in "Trading Places"
kaefer> get your stinkin paws off me you damn dirty human
MrBooze> WHAT IS THE LAW?
Ironf> I AM THE LAW!!
Plumm> Ironf, are you quoting from Bill's deposition again?
BEMaven> It wasn't the date meter, you jerk. It was the odometer.
Plumm> It has to to do with the slinging-crap-shot effect.
MrBooze> Meanwhile, at Joan Embry's love nest.
Ironf> Damn Carpetbagger Chimps
MrBooze> Woozle checkpoint, maam. Please open your purse.
BEMaven> ...and they hit the toilet dead on. Too bad the lid was down.
Plumm> If Jane Goodall went to community college...
BEMaven> parts of the male are pretty uppity, too.
BEMaven> This is how Alex trebeck started.
Plumm> 12-block monte.
MrBooze> Great scott! These apes AREN'T HUMAN!
Ironf> sad thing is they had to shoot this three times before she actually got it
MrBooze> There's your stool sample.
Plumm> geez, I loathe bananas. * MrBooze cracks up
BEMaven> ...and six times before the man got it.
Ironf> He really should invest in one of those electronic fishing games
BEMaven> drastic measures means fetching the Barney suit.
BEMaven> ..rolling fruit?
MrBooze> Uh oh...it's getting to be that time of the month. She's going to start displaying any minute.
Ironf> stock footage away!
MrBooze> The hell?
Ironf> and lots of anal probing
BEMaven> so much for Mineo's breakout role.
BEMaven> 'Whip me. I'm a bad gorilla.'
Plumm> Well, in our primitive civilization, apes don't wear ascot turtlenecks with lab coats, 70s boy.
MrBooze> Man, for an ape, she's a real ho.
Plumm> Ever done a monkey?
kaefer> funky monkey love
BEMaven> 'I love what you do with your blocks, Lewis.'
Ironf> I was busy getting a hummer here in my office at the time
MrBooze> mumble mumble taylor rhubarb
BEMaven> mummble, mummble...anyone remember launching sumthin?
MrBooze> 'And so, we confess that we, the French, are all stupid, smelly, ugly and mean. Thank you.'
Plumm> And if we can't funnel enough Chinese money to our campaign, we'll give away our ape technology through Commerce. It's decided then.
BEMaven> when did they start hiring newscasters with speech impediments?
MrBooze> Talking apes have arrived from the future and all the press wants to talk about is the sex scandal.
Ironf> from the future and they use "less simple" instead of simplier
BEMaven> They should ride in on trikes.
Plumm> So, they cover up Roswell, but they put talking space monkeys from the future on national TV.
BEMaven> it's more plausible, Plumm.
Plumm> 'Are they barefoot? Excellent! Put them in programming!'
MrBooze> What the hell is the priest doing there?
BEMaven> 'If Colossus should call, I'm not here.'
Ironf> Take them to the slave mines
Ironf> This is the exact reason we need the giant wall and dome over the US. All the damn illegal aliens
Plumm> Nice "bookshelf" wallpaper.
kaefer> fun fun
kaefer> put these on again
BEMaven> 'Can we do that here in your time? please. Please.'
Ironf> He pulled the giant trigger on the big gun
BEMaven> Zira knocked over some furniture and woof!...the Earth went blooey.
BEMaven> What if the painting was dogs playing cards?
Plumm> As you can see, human fascination with painting proves that apes are smarter.
kaefer> and he's still at it folks
BEMaven> I'm an artist...does that mean I'm godlike?
Plumm> The Heisenberg Plothole Effect.
BEMaven> It's just like Married... With Children.
Plumm> Maybe they'll fix Bill & Hillary's cell up nice like that.
BEMaven> 'Let me introduce you to your organ grinder.'
Plumm> Damn monkey carpetbaggers.
Plumm> Yeah, the monkeys from the future *demanded* the portraits of the virgin mother in their suite.
Plumm> Mellow CHiPs.
BEMaven> The damn florist should have picked up before he checked out.
BEMaven> 'Lovely clothes. Can I dissect her now?'
Ironf> sorry I was mellowed out by that music
kaefer> you like hairy women BEmaven
MrBooze> The hell?
BEMaven> Nope.
Plumm> Jane Fonda mans the teeter-totter in Hanoi.
kaefer> me neither
Ironf> We had those rocker things on the playground at grade school. One bastard jumped off and I flipped back on it and it flippd over and hit me in the back.
Plumm> Roddy and the Coat of Many Colors.
Ironf> Roddy's a pimp, just needs the hat with a big fleather
BEMaven> ..I'm not crazy about women who wear too much makeup, either.
kaefer> the new spice girl
MrBooze> She was overcome with lust.
Plumm> 'Could I cuckold your husband, perhaps?'
BEMaven> Now the real shock...Cornelius goes four rounds with the Hulkster.
Ironf> yes alcohol and now some good cigs for the pregnant one
kaefer> you have any john steinback books on hand
Ironf> hot mini-reel action
Ironf> and we also know "It tastes good"
BEMaven> keep you're wrestling under the desk, doc?
Ironf> Is that a Virginia Slim cigar?
kaefer> i want to spank your monkey
Plumm> Ellison sure has his Hollywood Hills spread well-guarded.
BEMaven> Not mentioning James Franciscus performance was vital?
Plumm> Starring John Gotti as David Letterman.
ripit> what the? who got monkey shit in my peanutbutter?
Ironf> FOR FREEDOM!
kaefer> why couldn't we adopt ferrets
BEMaven> Could ferrets load a dishwasher?
Ironf> Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard
BEMaven> Could ferrets wait on tables?
kaefer> ok ferret hater
Plumm> Dark meat ferrets or white meat ferrets?
BEMaven> Could ferrets wear clothes and do those dumb fillers for TBS.
Ironf> Plumm, you'll get yours on the day of the great ferret uprising
Plumm> Ferret races are held in Austrialia, kaefer.
Plumm> Check your local OTB.
BEMaven> OK, I admit it. A ferret interviewed me for a job once.
kaefer> i like to watch
BEMaven> he laughed at my portfolio...including the painting of dogs playing cards.
Plumm> The rest were put into sepiatone.
BEMaven> '...then we questioned them.'
Ironf> and they loved him........repeatedly
BEMaven> The interrogator looks like a ferret...the bastard!
BEMaven> 'Keep that God stuff to yourself, your Eminence.'
Ironf> When apes attack 34, next on Fox
Plumm> His squib vessel popped!
Ironf> someone dripped paint on that poor guy
BEMaven> Paint with vitamin C, IronF.
BEMaven> yes, put them in the cage with Tatoo.
Ironf> or Otis
BEMaven> why not? It's Milo's son...ooops.
BEMaven> Uhh, Zira. Heloise is dating a gorilla.
BEMaven> ironically, they run into Chuck Heston after a NRA meeting.
kaefer> an officer and a gentleape
BEMaven> 'It's like rich Corinthiam leather.'
Ironf> How many roads must a chimp walk down before he is called a.....chimp
BEMaven> Did they have to build Los Angeles just like they had to build the Ape City?
Plumm> I'M DR TED NELSON!
BEMaven> Uhh, couldn't they track them with dogs?
BEMaven> A pistol and binoculars...welcome to LA.
BEMaven> The Fugitive...Epilog.
Plumm> And from the Marina came three shabbily-suited men.
BEMaven> Great stalking, Einstein.
BEMaven> another domestic dispute for the LAPD.
MrBooze> Man, it's suck to die when you've got a popcorn kernel stuck in the back of your throat.
BEMaven> They stuffed him before he fell. Amazing.
kaefer> one last chance for love
MrBooze> But at least their hearts will go on.
BEMaven> One tent? What a crummy circus.
MrBooze> Ah...time loop!
Plumm> Mon Chi Chi!
BEMaven> Oh, great. Baby Milo is spastic.
Ironf> Wow what a long boring movie
* MrBooze Appears as ARMONDO
BEMaven> I prefer them to Jeff Fahey anyday.
