x31 TO THE ENDS OF TIME (11/22/97)

MOVIE
Anyone that can explain the movie a bit better is welcomed with open arms. Let it be know that this was originally released in Germany 6 months before it hit here. This played like one of the Russo-Finish films that we see every so often on MST3K. The beginning has some nice cinematography, but from there it was all downhill. Starts with a war that ends. We really don't find out more about it than that. Then a king's scientist finds out a way to speed up time for everyone except who is chosen. The king says that is nice and send the scientist on his way. The bad guys, dressed in a stylish black for your convenience, steal the big clock thing and turn it on. The kings people start aging and they send off a guy to stop the thing. He is in love with he princess (played by Marcia Brady) who gives him a Home Shopping Channel special steal ring. He gets to the clock, there is some fighting, and the crappy ring falls from his hand and jams the gears on the clock thing, it breaks and everyone is restored to normal. The End, I guess. Maybe.

HUH??

Balthayzr> The Ends of Time - For 6 Characters levels 6-9.
Djenk> Baron Munchaussen: Part Deux
bowleg> Before this decade is over, we will put a man on a boat thousands of feet in the air!
Balthayzr> And thus was the Entire Budget blown in the first 5 minutes....
Ironf> Hello, my name is Eric. you will be flighing "Ye Olde Ship" to the Dark Fortess.
dungarees> This movie is entirely too blousy already
BillDoor> Most people don't know that the "It's a Small World" castle is in reality a fully-armed fortress.
Merlynn> Uh-oh,the kids got golden arrows! How much you want to bet they're magic?
dungarees> I have this sinking feeling that they've pretty much shot their monetary wad on this scene and we're in for a LOT of time spent in a white room
Balthayzr> And Good King Friday was not happy yet....
KevinL> Never piss off the crazy chef guy.
Balthayzr> Ya think they just snuck on another set at night to film this?
BillDoor> Let him "polish his sword"? That's just wrong!
Merlynn> We've invented scrubbing bubbles!
dungarees> Whoa...Santa needs depends
THX-1138> You broke the hourglass! Now the giant crystal spider's gonna die.
bowleg> You'll be more credible if you remove the Party Fair 5.99 wig, sir.
THX-1138> And we all know, time is the fire in which we burn.
bowleg> Well, now that we applied the base.. shouldn't we paint this room?
Balthayzr> Why does the bad guy have 3 Giga-pets on his chest?
Djenk> I love my dead gay wizard!!!
Merlynn> Ok,a)What's going on? and 2)should I care?
BillDoor> I bet Autolycus is going to steal her jewel.
bowleg> Meanwhile, at Castle McFakey
BillDoor> "EL Fudge is listed in critical condition..."
Djenk> Alicia Silverstone IS The Princess Bride
BillDoor> That squirrel has so clearly been drugged.
Ironf> For some reason, I think alot of this soundtrack is public domain.
Balthayzr> Welcome to the Kitchen of Jumpcuts!
THX-1138> Great! I'll be able to leagally drink in 3 weeks!
BillDoor> Her breasts actually burst out and wounded a page this morning.
dungarees> I will wear a lobster bib on all high holidays!
Balthayzr> And thus, did the grass grow at regular speed....
dungarees> I think it's pretty decent of the cameraman to come nowhere near intruding on their conversation
dungarees> Way to scope out her temporalis muscles, guy
Balthayzr> Yea, the cannon fire is probabely a good sign you've been spotted.
Balthayzr> Where the hell is Andre the Giant?
Balthayzr> Did they just film a StarJammer session?
Djenk> So...time speeding=breast enhancement!
shred> this has all the emotional power of your average Suddenly Susan episode.
bowleg> By the power of VagueSkull! I am Woooorrmmmmmyyyyy!
Ironf> Breatplate by Shumaker.
bowleg> Now I'm going to ask you a question that may disturb, but please... try to think about it rationally. What are your thoughts on incest?
dungarees> So when did Chef Boyardee get a late night call in talk show?
bowleg23> plot, ummm: time, castles, horses, flying ships, dying old guy, swords, wormy guys, femmy baker, that's about it.
Balthayzr> I bet he could sneak up on the castle a lot better if the soundtrack would shut up!
Merlynn> You know,leaving the king open like that just isn't good security.
dungarees> Don't touch me, doughboy
Merlynn> That's right,folks,after the long journey,endless scenes,and pointless speeches,all he really did was throw a cheap fake diamond in the clock.

WHAT??

"Is this some kind of joke?"
"Look how frail he is, Gerald... How WEAK!"
"Aw poop, you looked like a hypnotized dog!"
"You look funny! They really seem to like you!"
"You festering bucket of pus!"
"This madness is so profound we cannot hope to bargain!"
"To think that in these dark days new love can bloom..."
"Hush you silly goose, you will always be beautiful!"
"You wouldn't know what to do with time if I gave it back to you!"
"you damn chauvanist pig ape"