x58 DIRTY DINGUS MAGEE (01/06/98)

MOVIE
Ted Turner brought us a good one this time on TCM. Heh "classic", yeah, right. Anyway this stars the grand old master George Kennedy. He meets with his old friend Dirty Dingus Magee, played by Franks Sinatra. George is moving along to a new town and Dingus follows, robs George and takes his hat. George becomes the sherriff just so he can hunt Dingus down, but he soon has to put up with the other problems of the city. The city has one major source of money, prostitution. Well the calvary that is stationed nearby is going to move along, so George must come up with away to keep them here. Dingus has his hands full with a young, perky, overly-horny squaw. George ends up stealing from Dingus and running from town a bit, so Dingus is made into the new sherriff and the town's problems are laid at his feet. He comes up with the idea of staging an Indian uprising, even though the squaw is the only Indian we see. In the end, well I can't really tell you what happened because my mind, as a safety measure, has totally purged all other knowledge of this movie existing.

RIFFS OF THE OLLLLLLD WEST
Ironf> I can tell from the Jews Harp music that this is gonna be painful.
BryanL> Well, the title song was sung by a "Congregation", so that should hurt...
Jamie> Last of the Wild Dingi.
Ironf> NDO New Dingus Order
BryanL> So, does Dirty Dingus Magee steal Meryl Streep's baby?
Jamie> I'm George Kennedy, for Cigar Breath Assure.
Jamie> Old Blue Dingus
Jamie> Old Dingus Eyes.
BryanL> That's one coo-coo hat, Kennedy.
BryanL> Sinatra and Kennedy wanted to start the Prairie Dog Pack after this movie, but it didn't work out.
BryanL> Thank god Letterbox is cutting off the bottom of this scene.
Jamie> So, the movie opens with Frank Sinatra making George Kennedy urinate at gunpoint.
BryanL> This isn't even a Playmobil wild west town.
Ironf> George runs funny
BryanL> That's a big cathouse for a three-building town.
Jamie> Michael Crichton's Whoreworld.
Ironf> My god...it's full of.........whores.
BryanL> Oh, this -is- a 70's western. Peeing jokes. Cock jokes.
Ironf> I heard that Jonah will be playing the part of a horse.
Ironf> You guess what part.
Jamie> Send a Potsie of men after Sinatra?
BryanL> She wants him to be a whore?
Ironf> GK: Male prostitute
BryanL> What a big... dingus you have.
Ironf> Porn of the Ollllllddddd West.
Jamie> I think I saw this Indian girl spread in Hustler.
BryanL> So, that's it. He caught him. The end, right?
BryanL> Frank Sinatra IS Dingus "Face Man" Magee.
Jamie> The Prostitue's Union is so protectionist.
BryanL> You know, this really is a Three's Company plot of the Oooooold West.
BryanL> Belle? Boy, after the Beast left her, she musta fell on hard times.
Ironf> Belle doesn't like the boys to pull out.
Jamie> Oh, I bet plenty of orphan have been born in Belle's...
BryanL> Dirty Interruptus Magee.
BryanL> Swing Bands of the Oooooooold West!
BryanL> "Dirty Dingus Magee": A stirring tale of horse's asses and the animals they rode.
BryanL> So, now he's a drag queen?
Jamie> This is a a lot to go through just to pull a tooth.
BryanL> This is the "Home Alone" of Westerns, you realize.
Jamie> The Good, the Bad, and the Dingus.
Jamie> Doesn't Ms. Squaw have a family or tribe or something?
Jamie> Actually, it was Belle's girls that named him "Dirty Dingus." Then later, they all died from syphillis.
BryanL> Wow, good thing GK sounds like a young hooker when he sleeps.
Jamie> GK was working on his solo video, Bryan.
Ironf> Good for either sex
BryanL> The Indians are saying "How", but I'm asking "Why".
Jamie> Was that shot of GK adjusting his pants necessary?
BryanL> I've never been more thankful for the existence of red long underwear than during this movie.
BryanL> I'd just like to say this movie kicks unpleasantness up to notches unknown to mankind.
BryanL> You know, inside, deep in my mind, something is screaming.
BryanL> Nobody's listnening to you, George. I'm not even listening to you.
BryanL> Everybody hates you George. Best to kill yourself in the street now.
THX-1138> Where ever he goes, death and destruction follows.
THX-1138> I hope to not see GK's dingus.
Jamie> You know, if she's that hard up, she can do some freelance work at Belle's and earn a little pocket money on the side.
BryanL> So, we're expected to believe an individual, who GK is NOT paying, BTW, is actually finding him attractive.
THX-1138> And out of no where a DeLorean appears.
BryanL> I'm starting to agree with Belle's earlier sentiment. We do need a good massacre.
BryanL> Maybe the costume desinger should have gotten GK something that actually fit him.
Ironf> Hey someone funny!
Jamie> Jack Elam!
Ironf> GK had more crack than Harlem.
THX-1138> They originally envisioned George in just body paint.
BryanL> At the time, movie critics hailed "Dirty Dingus Magee" for its portrayal of human beings as incompetent, halfwit motherf**ers who couldn't make a decent movie with a print of "The Empire Strikes Back" and a projector as a starting point.
Ironf> Dirty Dingus Magee ***'s by Maltin
BryanL> There's nothing more unattractive than a woman who learned her pickup techniques from Frank Sinatra.
Jamie> JJ Holmes plays the GK role in "Dirty Dingle Magee," from Vivid Video.
Jamie> Boy, she brings the concept of "sloppy seconds" to a whole nother level, doesn't she?
BryanL> I bet there's a much better movie being covered up by those black bars. If we all push, I bet we could slide those bars...
Ironf> Everyone has went whore crazy at whore world
BryanL> Whore World. We cut out the middleman, and pass the whore savings right on to you!
THX-1138> Ahhh the good old Whore West. Those were the days.
Jamie> I blinked. Is Dingus sherriff now?
Ironf> Sadly yes
Jamie> The Dirty Dozen Magee?
Ironf> The Dirty Dingi

QUOTES OF THE OLLLLLLD WEST
"You forgot your cock!"
"You hunt Dean Goose."
"We make bam-bam now?"
"I got plans for that Dingus".
"I ain't no gal."
"Hot damn, it's burnin' up!"
"I know I shot him in the rump."
"You're rotten Dingus"