X154 EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS (8/8/98)

MOVIE
The 50's. When hokey was good enough for any red blooded American. Back in these times, you could escape a nuclear bomb by ducking beneath your school desk. When there were no such things as serial killers, nor whores. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. This time however, aliens from the planet Modeles come to Earth because they have spoiled thier planet, as usual. They are only a small group and want to peacefully take over the planet by appealing to our higher ups that they can destroy us rather simply. Turns out they are nothing more than small little men inside tin can suits that have powers built into them. After passing out millions and millions can openers, the end comes rather quickly. The aliens start crashing into everything raining destruction upon us, but we have enough people to just eat the losses and get on with business. They all eventually crash into the ground and we beat them all to death with 2 X 4's. HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

RAYS
Ironf> Hot reel-to-reel action
GersonK> Two days in, and already it's a marriage of bitter repression.
THX-1138> Operation Paperclip at work
Ironf> Not a slide-whistle sound
THX-1138> Ah, one of the classic underground hallway with pipes scenes
GersonK> looks like they have an old model interocitor
Ironf> Not a sewing machine
GersonK> Knobs are dialed. Buttons are punched, no stone is left unturned
Ironf> This was how he met the aliens and was able to forge a deal for them to come get people on X-Day
THX-1138> Yeah, baby, tell me how big my rocket is.
Ironf> His hair: total claymation
THX-1138> I banged your daughter on that table you know
GersonK> '...well, now that I am the last man on earth, maybe the wifey'll finally consider it'
BEMaven> an anal probe by way of the brain?
GersonK> no, a neural probe by way of the anus
Ironf> Mexican jumping cars!
GersonK> Of course, the saucer isn't a resident, so the townspeople aren't gonna let it use the beach
THX-1138> I got an idea, let's try and give the alien ships a virus!
GersonK> Turns out somebody left the iron on and the whole planet burnt down while they were at the movies
THX-1138> And Space Chief arrives to save the day!
BEMaven> How many drinks did they have to feed these guys to get this info?
GersonK> Lord, this whole film is exposition.
Ironf> It's too bad all the aliens smoked so much they now have voice-boxes. Damn government not super-regulating tobacco
GersonK> I say we attack them with Slim Pickens
Ironf> Now write on the blackboard "I will not push people in a ditch during gamma bombs" 500 times
BEMaven> all the old folk in this film really give off a lot of vapor.
THX-1138> Real Stories from the Alien Patrol...So I pulled over this one flying saucer, alien was sooooo drunk
Ironf> Turns out it was old man Withers from the amusment park
BEMaven> Those are the suits their mothers make them wear when they go outside.
Ironf> Stock footage to the RESCUE!
GersonK> They really watched this movie A LOT when thye were making mars Attacks, didn't they?
Ironf> They just colorized it
THX-1138> And digitally added Jim Brown
Ironf> I'll need you to get naked now Ruth
GersonK> Aaah, the fifties, when women were stillplaythings
BEMaven> God's voice mail?
THX-1138> The helmets apparently combine hearing-aids and reading glasses
GersonK> to request forgivenss, press 1, to ask for physical weel being, press 2....
THX-1138> Oh, not this air coil bullshit again.
Ironf> A lot of our military weapons sure are phallic aren't they?
THX-1138> Low and fast, that's the way I like it.
GersonK> On the 10th day, God created freezie pops
THX-1138> Look ma, we can use the "Overlay" effect
GersonK> Looks like Kang and Kodos mean bussiness
BEMaven> Lord, I feel like I'm in a sfx nursing home.
THX-1138> Just think, in 50 years, they'll have a James Cameron week!
BEMaven> they blew up Clinton's still.
GersonK> and his pickup
Ironf> Yay we kept them from blowing stuff up by crashing them into other stuff
THX-1138> I guess my idea of a handfull is a tad bit more than the aliens
BEMaven> How does destroying tourist attractions allow them to conquer the earth?
THX-1138> There is no justice! Just us!
BEMaven> Cue the giant octopus.
THX-1138> That is gonna wreck havoc with his insuramce.
BEMaven> I learned that RayH deserved better than cheap stock footage.
Ironf> I learned that the aliens were actually the Unibomber's friends.
GersonK> I learned that it's bed time. good night.

TELEPATHETIC THOUGHTS

"Tonight I got a hot date with a 3 stage rocket."
"Bob"?
"Do you understand us?"
"What? Why didn't I get a radio in my room?"
"Get outta my way Frank."
"Don't look at that."
"A new weapon in 56 days?"
"All the way."
"The theory is beautiful."
"It's only a hollow steel ball, but for our purposes, it's a flying saucer"
"I always thought it was St. Elmo's Fire. I'll have to change my mind about that."
"It makes me superman for one thing" "Yes, we know"
"When an univited and armed power shows up in our capitol, we don't meet it with tea and cookies."