SWAYZE-ISTS
Ironf> Invisable pimp slapping
dungarees> She knocked her own tooth loose in a dream
andre> Your mommie is what they call PSYCHOTIC, children.
MrBooze> This is why you need a man in the house. To keep his cool when unearthly malevolent spirits attack.
ServoT> Claude Raines and Chevy Chase tag teamed her
THX-1138> She left her gas powered vibrator on
dungarees> Do you suppose the demon took her basal temperature or tested her mucous to be sure she was fertile first?
MrBooze> Demons have very sensitive noses. Plus they wear those cool eye visors like tee-vee's Geordi LaForge.
Djenk> Musical score: E flat. Repeat
THX-1138> Mom, I love you, in an Oedipal kinda way.
MrBooze> Btw, after seeing "Mask of Zorro" last night I've decided that Antonio Banderas is the William Shatner of the 90s.
Djenk> Beautiful day to run off with your children and leave me alone with your virile young son
andre> So is this going to turn into "I spit on your grave", then?
MrBooze> Wait...she was *actually* raped, and she just went back to bed?
andre> I thought someone edited in "erection" sound efx by mistake.
Ironf> The evil curse of the Poltergeist movie also haunted the stars of this one too. They've never worked in film since.
Ironf> A wino with a straw in a bottle?
MrBooze> Any minute now, Jason Voorhees shows up and says "WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT THAT DAMN MUSIC OFF!!!"
andre> I'll be masturbating furiously to "Tales from the Crypt" comics, mom. Hope you don't mind.
dungarees> As if they don't realize that this is a HUGE turn on for the demon and his 'lesbian' fetish
MrBooze> Again...Entity 1981, Poltergeist 1982
THX-1138> You are listening to KHEL, music to worship the devil by
Ironf> Notice how she keeps her legs tightly closed now
dungarees> So what we have is your average, sexually dysfunctional demon rapist.
andre> To me, insane means a chicken-fried steak for some reason.
Ironf> She has a dress with a stain on it, unfortunatly, it's an invisable stain
ServoT> Look, if he didn't ejaculate he has a serious but treatable problem
Centaur> She wears heels in the house. Of course the ghosts will get ideas.
Ironf> It's that beauty mark. It just says 'saucy' to all invisable people around.
andre> So, is this movie going to be boredom and tedium interspersed with isolated pockets of supernatural rape?
Ironf> Umm did that ghost just bend her over the sink and go at it?
THX-1138> Was that an elbow?
Ironf> I think it was a boobie
Ironf> Does she eventually get to like it and start wear special 'equipment'?
andre> Does Zelda eventually show up?
MrBooze> No, but the demon is eventually killed by Link.
Ironf> Maybe she could rig up a flour bomb and eventually find out that it's the predator
dungarees> So this movie's been on for 20 minutes, and she's been demonically raped like 25 times
MrBooze> Ah, I saw some hack make rape bruises appear on a woman in a vegas show.
Centaur> Stigmatic hickies.
MrBooze> Yeah, whenever I have anxiety, I often think "this is as bad as being repeatedly raped by demon dwarf gangs"
MrBooze> There's a scene where she's naked on the bed and invisible fingers are squeezing her breasts, so there's at least one more, but we probably wont see it.
MrBooze> All I remember from seeing it the first time is thinking "how exactly do you call up Industrial Light & Magic and say "Yes, I'd like to order one scene of a woman's breasts being squeezed by invisible fingers"
andre> So, the movie has no point but to arouse weird fangoria-types with plentiful scenes of demonic rape.
andre> I bet this went over big in Japan
Ironf> That beard is a rug
MrBooze> The director wanted Sigourney Weaver so badly.
MrBooze> The mother's been raped several times while two small people held her ankles. Has anyone counted the number and gender of the children in the house?
dungarees> Does he have a fog machine in his shorts?
andre> It's a mass illusion! It's MAGIC! FUCK YOU!
andre> thank you. Amazing Jonathan mode off.
THX-1138> Let's all Munchausen by proxy
* Ironf goes looking for a Eric Idle on the moon
MrBooze> Have you tried the new Munchausen Proxy Server 2.0? It has a lot of improvements.
dungarees> She's not what she seems to be....in fact, her name is Lola and she's a show girl...
THX-1138> The house is obviously under the control of a super smart computer that wants to impregnate her.
MrBooze> You're face looks different with those missing teeth and bruised eye. You haven't been seeing a demon on the side, have you?
andre> Yeah, it's been medically proven that repeated rape increases a woman's sexual appetite. Just ask Michael Medved.
Ironf> Speaking of pipe, I think she's hitting her's a bit much
Ironf> Is there a reason why we aren't allowed to see the Arabian man clearly?
ServoT> he's too "raunchy" is what the producer said, Ironf
Ironf> Bending over the bed like that is only gonna expidite things
Ironf> Has she ever just thought of trying to see if moving helps?
andre> Ron Silver courtesy of Unappealing Leads of the Month Club
dungarees> Is the demon rapist ratting her hair in the night as well?
dungarees> I just want to hump you! Is that so wrong?
andre> This is getting extremely tedious. The movie doesn't go anywhere. It's been doing laps for the past hour.
MrBooze> If it was "much stronger than any earthquake", it should have destroyed the city.
dungarees> Umm...excuse me...does the paranormal slamming door sound different than the naturally occurring slamming door?
THX-1138> And I opened the fridge and a voice said, Zuul!
MrBooze> This will teach her to pick up the amazing Randi at a bookstore.
Ironf> Maybe one will get hit in the eye with one of the lasers and start seeing a giant floating eye
MrBooze> Oh, sure, kick a demon when he's down, lady.
THX-1138> She's always had the power to stop the demonic rape, she just needed to click her labia together
ServoT> Frankly, a woman with a masturbation complex, a pipe under the house, a dead cat, and a tremor is LESS likely than paranormal activity
MrBooze> I've got it! We'll start a woman-oriented concert tour to lure it into the open! Get Sarah Mclaughlan on the phone!
dungarees> That shirt makes me feel like we're eventually going to see her riding the mechanical bull.
Ironf> O/~ Strangers in the night, humping roughly O/~
ServoT> you need some sex, dontcha?
Ironf> She needs a little of the heave ho, if ya know what I mean and I think you do
Ironf> It's a visable man model
MrBooze> Director: "Now, Barbara, I want you to strip naked on the bed and mime being humped by an invisible rapist. You can do that can't you?"
THX-1138> Doesn't that bald guy with the beard have a home decorating show on cable?
THX-1138> We have cameras in every part of the house. We'll be making the 1st demonic rape amateur porn video.
Ironf> This is so goofy at this point
THX-1138> Exactly where did they get the grant money to build all this?
Ironf> They have it set up all the time for just these occasions THX
ServoT> wake up, carl their filiming Real World 2000 and you fell for it!
Ironf> On the other side of the house there are a bunch of nerds sleeping on cots
andre> Ah! Big Boss Man is attacking him
Ironf> Hey has to spend a night in the Cobb County jail now Andre
MrBooze> They're deep inside a laboratory area, a sudden cold breeze erupts, and wise woman asks "did someone open a door?"
andre> As he struggles with his video mixer.
Ironf> Yeah good thing she had that protective barrier that just fell apart
Centaur> "Fictionalized account of a true story."
THX-1138> The fictionalized part being the portion about demonic rapists and all that paranormal stuff
MrBooze> "Additional Voices by: Ed Begley"?
MrBooze> Ugh. What utter crap. One of the few films worse than Event Horizon
andre> That dear friends, will go down in history as THE most shameful experiment yet.
ServoT> The characters in this movie are fictitious and based on a true story
andre> Even Shaft in Africa had a modicum of taste.
MrBooze> So, basically, she still gets raped, but less frequently and violently, thus a happy ending for everyone.
andre> SUPERBEAST was classy and elegeant compared to that
ServoT> So basically a geeky guy like the two nerds in the movie approached Carla and said, "We think your constant sexual attacks would be dern good cinema."
