x112 AIRPORT '79: THE CONCORD (4/23/98)

MOVIE
This is the final of the Airport thrillogy. Also the HGing viewers feel it is the longest of them. But every cloud has a silver lining. This one has much, much more GK! That wiley GK is back in the saddle again. This time, he's a pilot. Seems there is someone on board who has something they shouldn't, so people send this little crappy, homing or remote-controlled plane thing after them. GK zigs and zags his way around it, all the while sexual harrasing a stewardess. They has a bit of trouble and land in France. GK makes sweat love gravy by fireside to a hooker, then skips town back on the plane. They find out that a bomb was planted. The way they find out is, it blew up. Anyway he lands on the mountain side. Then there is a rather short rescue scene and GK jogs away from the wreckage as it blows up again. All in a day in the life of GK.

PIRATES ARE THE WORST CRIMINALS
MrBooze> Mary Poppins was spotted by US Radar emplacements 3 hours ago...
mgrasso> 70s: decade of balloons
MrBooze> And the Concorde accidentally reaches escape velocity, flies out of control into space and explodes. The end.
MrBooze> She was the actual model for the newslady on The Tick.
Ironf> And circle gets the square
MrBooze> This is my hair, and yes, that's incredible.
dungarees> His tie is bending time and space again.
Ironf> most those bubbles aren't from the jets ya know
mgrasso> so *that's* why motels all look like that. they were made in the 70s
Jamie> This is just like the "wiring defect" scene in Towering Inferno.
MrBooze> How did she get out there? Did she phase through the ceiling?
Ironf> Prepare to be amazed at the Human Fly Woman
dungarees> Why is Rhoda so upset?
MrBooze> Does ANYONE not immediately see that Wagner is an evil gun runner?
* Jamie can't wait for the ineveitable AIRPORT 2000 by Devlin & Emmerich.
MrBooze> Like wearing a snot rag on my hair.
Ironf> She's a gang member.
mgrasso> our nation's capital. GK sits poised to rule the nation thanks to the innumerable airplanes he's saved.
MrBooze> That movie running behind them is much more interesting.
Jamie> GK and Clint Eastwood ARE "Airport Security!"
mgrasso> joe patrone: lonely vietnam vet
dungarees> why is he wearing American Maid's hat?
Ironf> It makes him feel *special*
Ironf> Mario!
mgrasso> capt. lou???
Jamie> GK IS Bob Packwood!
MrBooze> Did you blow me in Soho for 5 bucks back in Nam?
mgrasso> translation: "me love you long time"
Ironf> She loved him long time.
Jamie> could someone give me the backstory here?
Ironf> He is the head of a company that is selling illegal weapons, she now has proof, and I guess she is a reporter.
MrBooze> No, she's just his wife. But now he has to kill her because she...that's right..."knows too much".
mgrasso> ok. GK is a crime-solving, perfume-sniffing archeologist with a fetish for hairy french women. shelley hack fawcett majors here is on the trial of the scum who are going to sell guns to dirty commies.
Jamie> why was the wheelchair lady screaming that Mr. Shelly Long was a killer?
MrBooze> Because the crippled can sense evil. It's a known given fact.
mgrasso> such a diverse cast. i wonder if the plane will get into some sort of emergency?
Jamie> I... piss all over my dentures.
MrBooze> Bill CLinton escapes to Europe in disguise.
mgrasso> GK approves of promiscuous pre-marital sex. how quaint.
Ironf> Look, he's swinging his arm, from side to side
Ironf> Gk always combing the room for possibilities
Jamie> No, Lou Albano teaches his daughter "Do the Mario" in ASL.
Ironf> JJ lays it on thick in the hopes of getting some.
MrBooze> A sick child again? Didn't they do this shtick on a previous Airport?
Ironf> GK talk radio
MrBooze> What about the French Air Force? They SUCK, and we could KICK THEIR ASS with our freaking COAST GUARD!
MrBooze> Ah, someone snuck up behind the air traffic controller and said Boo! and he immediately surrendered and ran out of the tower.
MrBooze> He just *sticks his arm out the window* of a freaking Concorde.
MrBooze> It's just a little breezy.
Ironf> GK is made of twisted steel and sex appeal, Booze.
MrBooze> You can also begin taking turns in the bathroom cleaning out your pants.
MrBooze> I just saw Martha Ray's breast...
* MrBooze shudders uncontrollably
* Ironf gets violently ill
* MrBooze summons the spirit of Booze inside him to get him through this.
MrBooze> Hire a homeless person to sleep in your car and move it every few hours.
Jamie> If there's one theme running through each and every Airport film, it's Length.
MrBooze> Never-ending, horrific, mind-wrenching length.
Ironf> And they say length isn't everything
MrBooze> I really can't take any more of the love theme from Airport 79.
Ironf> Just like a Frenchie to set the bomb
MrBooze> Okay, between GK's nude scene and anal leakage haiku's, I think I've had alls I can stands.
MrBooze> Okay, now GK just molested Joe Paterno. That's definitely it.
Ironf> Bear and I got sick after we saw Martha Raye's wet white shirt
andre> yup. that made me lose it.
Jamie> is there a gremlin on CONCORDE!?!
andre2> Man, this movie PACKS in scene after scene of gk's meaty face.
andre2> no, now they need a 40 minute rescue scene.
Jamie> just get out of the fucking plane and end the goddam movie!
andre2> mario!
Ironf> Use the mushroom Mario!
andre2> So, what the FUCK was all that crap about a drone earlier in the film?
Ironf> A fairly simple and straight forward rescue. Who would have guessed?
Ironf> Run George, Run!
andre2> George breaks out into a trot!
andre2> Well, I learned that George Kennedy movies aren't exactly good methods of "getting some".
Jamie> who'da thunk it, andre?
Ironf> I learned this was the best of all the Airport movies. I also learned that there exists a puerto rican super mario brother with a captain lou albano fetish.

PIRATE TALK
"Sweet Maggie, sweet, sweet Maggie"
"I need your help Willie."
"I think I''m falling in love."
"they don't call it the cockpit for nothin' honey"
"He boffed her out on the wing"
"His _____ got so sunburned he couldnt' sit down for a week."
"I'm gonna put on some music, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't dance in the isles."
"By the time I got back there, we'd have two missles up our ___."
"I think my feet are gettin' wet."
"Thank you too, sugar"
"SHE WAS GREAT!"
"Please please don't misconscrew me."
"I have a very cold hand and I prefer to a stick it in."
"We're getting a whistling and a banging noise from the bottom of the aircraft"
"We've got explosive decompression!"
"You ever come down on your belly Paul?"