x200 COMPANY BUSINESS (2/1/99)

MOVIE
"Company Business" is the movie to go to if you're looking for tepid, circular SPY ACTION! Gene Hackman, fresh off a secret mission to abscond with Mick Jagger's lipstick, is called back into service by our friends in the CIA. A patriotic non-American from Colombia, who is no way a drug smuggler, has generously volunteered $2 million to secure the release of an American spy trapped behind the crumbling Iron Curtain. But the KGB loves to take in the ballet when they're not executing anyone who questions Gorbachev's growth. So they demand The Company throw in Mikhail BarYshnikov, who is rotting in prison after an incident on Neverland Ranch. Hack and Mik proceed to East Berlin where the Commies have taken over Mr. Toad's Whild Ride. Hack and Mik find themselves on the run from both the CIA and the KGB, who have a received a genrous grant from ZPG to depopulate the intelligence community. They bed a couple of Nazi tranvestites, escape to Paris, and Red and Col. Terry Watts kinda sorta try to kill them on the Eiffel Tower, but they get away, so the movie ends.

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS.
Balthayzr> And now, Metal Gear Liquid: The Sequel.
Balthayzr> Why is he robbing a Virgin Records store?
Ironf> Building Code Under Fire!
Balthayzr> Position wanted: Must be geeky character actor. Glasses preffered.
Balthayzr> "Would you like a cup of coffee, Mr. Luth-Or?"
Plumm> And then I thought: "LIPS!"
Balthayzr> The board of directors for The Rolling Stones.
Ironf> And there...on the dresser...was baby oil
Ironf> Why a meeting in the center of the death star?
Ironf> Red!
Plumm> That 70's Dad.
Balthayzr> So, we're off to rescue Liberace's Long Time Companion?
Balthayzr> Bill Gates and Jim Carrey look on.
my-crow-soft> evil.
Plumm> I can not believe this movie would dare to suggest that the CIA would associate in any way with drug dealers.
Balthayzr> Presenting Major Hercule Peroit.
Plumm> I mean, really.
Ironf> it's absurd
Plumm> As a citizen, I'm outraged.
Balthayzr> Next, they'll tell us the Cia sold drugs for weapons money!
my-crow-soft> and where is my whore money ?
Plumm> maybe they'll imply they put big bags of coke in the body bags coming back from NAM!
Balthayzr> Uh, we have to watch Hackman do wife swapping, now?
my-crow-soft> emilio estevez ?
Plumm> an incredible russian simulacrum
Balthayzr> 48 Hours-ski!
Balthayzr> "What do you mean the in-flight movie is "Sneakers"??
Ironf> ohh Di joke
Balthayzr> That mean news people are gonna make the plane crash?
Plumm> news people = MI6
Balthayzr> Tobacco? On a Plane? What kind of Sci-Fi movie is this?
my-crow-soft> welcome to berlin, the city that never stops raining..
Balthayzr> OK, so the plot of the movie is: Hackman breaks Owen Hart out of jail to help him review a Berlin Bar and Grill?
Ironf> While playing dueling banjos
Plumm> Meanwhile, in SUPERSTATION . . .
my-crow-soft> god i hope someone repeats candyman 5 times in this movie...
Balthayzr> Berlin's a fancy place. The subway's got a doorman...
Ironf> For a moment, I thought Gene morphed into Michael Caine
Ironf> You aren't the Postman!
Plumm> Runaway train, never coming back.
Plumm> Two spooks on a way track
Balthayzr> Just then, Tom cruise and a helicopter go by on another track....
Balthayzr> Welcome to Euro-Disney.
Balthayzr> Honest, American money *has* little orange choo-choos on it, now!
Balthayzr> Remember me to Red Square.....tell all the gang at the gulag that I wil soon be there....
my-crow-soft> isn't that barishnikov ?
Balthayzr> It's that Russian guy that does all of GK's USSR appearances for him....
Ironf> That could have easily have been GK
Plumm> When i think about the times someone who might have been GK could get killed in a movie, I weep.
my-crow-soft> and this is all to exchange some black market beanie babies
Balthayzr> Yes, it's May day in russia, and we celebrate is by killing American Character Actors...
Plumm> It's always a shame when a joint CIA-KGB hit goes awry.
Plumm> they both have everyone's best interests at heart, after all.
my-crow-soft> hmm. stole some rage against the machine sweatshirts..
Balthayzr> In case of Bad Movie, Break Glass.
Ironf> They are too poor in Russia to afford alarms ya know
my-crow-soft> that wasn't russia, it was germany
Plumm> actually, I don't think 1989 east berlin tourist kiosks bothered with alarms.
Ironf> whatever
Ironf> It's all communism to GK
Ironf> He's pure red,white and blue
Balthayzr> HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
my-crow-soft> which part of him is blue ?
Ironf> veins
my-crow-soft> probobly only misis GK knows..
Balthayzr> Stop that. There will be no maligning Mrs. Kennedy!
Ironf> Ah German transies
Balthayzr> It's the bar where Vince McMahon found Sammi.
Plumm> i couldn't really tell in pan&scan. Did Hack send a transie to the safe house?
Balthayzr> Who sponsored this movie, Hair Club For Men?
Ironf> I bet the Millennium group is behind this all.
Balthayzr> Have we discovered yet why Hackman is dressed like the Husband from Keeping Up Appearances?
Ironf> or Andy Capp
Plumm> G'NIGHT, FLO
Balthayzr> Careful, those hamsters sound winded.
Plumm> Red is still pissed that Ford pardoned Nixon.
Ironf> Gene powerwalks
Balthayzr> You are here.
Balthayzr> I want a GorbyMan T-Shirt!
Balthayzr> "Berlin is now closed. We will re-open at 9AM tomorrow morning. Please bring all stolen state secrets to the closest register."
Balthayzr> Borsht?
my-crow-soft> no, pilmeni ? no vareniki ? no
Plumm> Budan!
Balthayzr> Budan!
Balthayzr> "I said no more crane shots, LaRue!"
Balthayzr> WHy is Dr. Strangelove there, playing with a Button-Maker?
my-crow-soft> yes, your glesses whould be ready within an hour
Plumm> Horst makes all his passports from Auschwitz bones.
Ironf> Keeps dogs coming!
Balthayzr> And Hackman loogies on the German Police.
Plumm> Stasi West.
Balthayzr> It's a Madski, Madski, Madski Worldovich!
Ironf> Bring out the gimpski
Ironf> LaRue!
Balthayzr> What, is the park bench in front of the White House labeled For Clandestine Conversations Only?
Plumm> The Park Police bravely guards them.
Balthayzr> Just then, in the TARDIS.
Balthayzr> Ho's!
Ironf> that's Hoskis
Ironf> Kino!
Balthayzr> First, I send you to Barb Wire's bar....
Balthayzr> First, you become a professional wrestler. Then, you use the money to make the fans do stupid tricks for cheap heel meat.
Plumm> Taking care of business. Company business.
Plumm> This is one of many GPS end-of-Cold War buddy movies.
my-crow-soft> now, barishnikov, dance dance ..
Balthayzr> Stand By Me-ovitch.
*** THX-1138 (RodVailwood@reqb-066.ucdavis.edu) has joined #mst-homegame
Balthayzr> AHHHHH! A guy with a full head of hair!
Balthayzr> Silver Streakski.
Balthayzr> Official female Spy Outfit, from the Natasha Fatale' Collection.
Balthayzr> Movie Rule #196 - Got a Baby face? A 2-day growth of beard will fix that right up.
THX-1138> All this movie is missing is Jean Reno.
Ironf> or janet
Plumm> send in the tanks!
Balthayzr> Carolineski in the Cityovitch.
THX-1138> Do we not find out what's really in the briefcase, like Ronin?
Plumm> Would you turn that spooky bazooki OFF!!!
Balthayzr> It's a little sign that says "The End".
Ironf> They are in France. it's -fin-
Balthayzr> Why is that man in the background making a snake throw up?
Balthayzr> Meet me at the Cafe Jacques-Off.
Ironf> SHUT UP THAT BLOODY BAZOOKIE
Balthayzr> I'm going to ask you one more time, and if you say no I will have to shoot you. Do you have any Cheddar?
THX-1138> I work for the government, I mop up after Clinton's money shots.
Balthayzr> Red, I'm telling Kitty!
Ironf> SHUT UP THAT BLOODY BAZOOKIE!!
Ironf> HEH I was thinking to myself that Gene was in the sewer, then they show the open manhole
Plumm> France is riddled with helpful priest holes like that.
THX-1138> You know Gene hangs out with all the whores at Place Pigalle.
THX-1138> [alecbladwin> I am God!
Balthayzr> So, In France, when you're looking for an escapee, it's best to ask Ed Norton.
Balthayzr> I can never get enough sweaty close-ups of John Goodman.
Balthayzr> Uh, why is he morphing into McCloud?
Ironf> Cause McQ was taken
THX-1138> When will Lex Luthor learn the nuclear bomb under the Eiffel Tower elevator won't stop Superman?
Balthayzr> And Gaos comes along and makes a nest in it.
Balthayzr> Boy, she was hostage a long time. All the red grew out of her hair.
Plumm> Red has stolen her red hair.
Balthayzr> Not Emelio Esteves, but.......we don't mind, much.
Plumm> The most advanced architecture in Paris is from 1891.
Balthayzr> "I so do enjoy going up thee Eiffel Tow-eir and spitting on ze tourists!"
Ironf> Al Jeffe
Plumm> (Le Answer snappe to la question stupide)
THX-1138> I hope we get a Le Car chase!
Plumm> L'Orange Julius!
Balthayzr> Le Kinge de Burger.
THX-1138> Royale with cheese.
Plumm> Les Spies like Nous!
Balthayzr> Le Spy Vs. Le Spy!
Ironf> what the hell was this about?
Balthayzr> What, did the director just lose interest?
Balthayzr> I almost got whiplash at the end, there.
Plumm> It was about two spies drifting around.
Plumm> It's pointlessness is its very point.
Plumm> It's all very French in outlook.
Balthayzr> I wonder how many people thought this was an intermission, and tried to walk back in the theatre.
Balthayzr> Never mind the diamonds, DIDJA GET THE PLOT???
THX-1138> That wasn't a disappointing end at all.
Plumm> Jerry Lewis was actually an "overnight guest" in Mikey Balletkov's trailer, iftusciesImean.
Balthayzr> It ended as it began.....with Gene getting plowed.
Plumm> Exactly.
Ironf> pathe entertainment, more like pathetic
Balthayzr> And people wonder why MGM has gone belly-up about 7 times.

TRAILER PARK
"Why me?"
"Clean yourself up, you look like hell"
"And none of the equipment better have scratches on them!"
"My friends aren't stupid."
"It's a little jiggy."

READ MORE ABOUT IT
Since at least the time of the Opium Wars, the global power elite have taken an interest in the power and money that comes with control of illicit drug markets. With the rise of intelligence agencies and covert operations in the United States, the illegal drug market became an increasingly attractive area for both financing and execution of covert operations. One such operation compromised by the drug trade was the US/USSR secret war in Nicaragua. This was made easier by dint of a "Memorandum of Understanding" between DoJ and the CIA which spelled how the CIA would not have to report narcotics activities by "non-employee" CIA assets. The memo from AG Smith was written by his young assisstant, Kenneth Starr.

While Congressional Democrats like Chris "Waitress Sandwich" Dodd cuddled up with those oh-so-cute Soviet-backed Sandinistas, the Reagan adminstration decided that maybe we should actually fight communists. So, we backed the Contras. "Former" CIA chief VP George Bush, in charge of National Security issues (responsibilities given to him soon after Bush family friend John Hinckley plugged some lead in Ronnie), put together the Contra supply lines with the help of people like Paul Rodriguez. Bush recruited the easily-compromised Arkansas Gov. Bill Clinton, who had been a CIA asset in England during his "college" days, spying on war protestors for Langley. A large part of the Contra support network was then based in and around Mena, Arkansas. After Clinton recruited State Trooper L.D. Brown into the CIA, Brown was surprised to see cocaine on a plane flying back to Mena from a weapons delivery in Central America. When Brown confronted Clinton with this information, Clinton said, "Oh, that's Dan Lasater's deal. And your hero Bush knows all about it."

My, oh my. Anyway, what coke didn't go up the noses of Bill, Roger, and the rest of the Arkansas power elite was shipped around the country by methods conventional (car) and not (Tyson chickens). U.S. Attorney Asa Hutchinson put Lasater and Roger away from a while, but he was never allowed to get too close to Mena. And the CIA-sanctioned Guns'n'Drugs business was a boon for Clinton and his cronies, what with Ollie North doing so much business with firms like the Hubbell-in-law's "parking meter" company. But after Barry Seal (who may or may not have flown the getaway plane from Dallas in '63) was assassinated in Baton Rouge, "Iran-Contra" broke, and the big boys got sick of laundry boy Clinton taking 10 percent of the gross instead of the net, the contra war kind of faded away.

Today, there is no CIA-sanctioned drug-running at Mena. The recent grand-reopening of a modern airport at the small town in the middle of nowhere attended by Clinton, Hutchinson, et al. attests to that. Why, it's only a convenient refueling station for planes flying north from points unknown. And that's not cocaine smuggler and big DNC donor Jorge Cabreras posing with Hillary and Al Gore, either.