X198 CANDYMAN (1/23/99)

MOVIE
"Farewell to the Flesh" is the obligatory sequel to the "successful" original film "Candyman" (not to be confused with Candide Man), the touching tale of the George Washington Carver of the candy world. When last we saw our hero, he was fighting corporate overlords and the O'Henry candy bar company to bring people revolutionary new candies, only to be captured and killed in one of the most memorable death scenes in movie history - strapped to conveyor belt, Candyman is covered with honey and nouggat and attacked by bees after getting his hand chopped off and replaced by a solid chocolate one. Through black magic and a dash of old fashioned lightning, our hero is brought to life by Clay Thibideaux, a New Orleans big shot looking to make trendy new candies for Mardi Gras. A comical "Who's On First?" like exchange is shared between the two until it's agreed Candyman will make Clay's candies after seeking revenge on his killers. There's some crazy rampaging, beer, beads, and breasts to satiate the kids, and finally the climactic battle between Candyman and Sue Ellen Mishky, head of O'Henry. The movie falls short in trying to top the first movie's amazing ending. Candyman ends up cornering Sue Ellen in a candy factory and uses acidic caramel to burn off her flesh, after which he takes her remaining organs and uses them to close his deal with Clay by making "Organic" candy. The skeleton is left behind begging the studio for a third film. Sammy Davis Jr.'s eye makes a special appearance.

I'M SPOONHEAD! GIVE ME SOME CANDY!
Balthayzr> CandyMan: Farewell to the Flesh. So, we get to see him adopt a Vegetarian Lifestyle?
Ironf> He died as he lived, sticky and wet
BEMaven> bees? couldn't they afford tar and feathers?
THX-1138> Bees carrying small pox!
Balthayzr> Yes, this was the Original Shooting script for Steven Speilberg's "Hook"
Ironf> Just look at me, I LOVE candy
Balthayzr> Boy, these Friday Night Barnes and Noble shows are just getting weird.
BEMaven> If he sings something from Willy Wonka, i'm leaving.
Balthayzr> o/~ Who can take a crap film......sprinkle it with gore........show it on Sci-Fi where we all get bored....The candyMan......The CandyMan Can!!!o/~
Balthayzr> Of course he's here! can't you here his creepy soundtrack?
BEMaven> Penn would probably get Teller to say Candyman 5 times.
BEMaven> what a relief, i thought it was a Whitman Sampler.
Balthayzr> You'd thing that severed hand would stop dripping blood after 400 years.
THX-1138> What a lag. It took him like hours to kill that guy after he said candyman 5 times
Balthayzr> CandyMan's a busy guy, THX. You know how many kids at slumber parties are chanting his name into a mirror any given night?
MSTPoopie> o/~The Candyman can cause he mixes it with......BLOOD!o/~
THX-1138> And that boy grew up to become Play, of Kid and Play
MSTPoopie> Rev. Jesse Jackson must've had a fit. This movie portrays black people as scary, and potential murderers.
Balthayzr> Now, since candyman sprouts out of mirrors, this town is gonna have more mirrored rooms than Graceland.
THX-1138> Java? He got her a cup of multi-platform programs.
Ironf> Only got to kill 3 people on the way today. Usually get four
Balthayzr> Psssttt! Look everyone! Mirror!
BEMaven> Norman Bates Paint By Numbers Kit.
Balthayzr> Candyman has an important recital coming up, and he must practice his piano!
TLister> Ghetto homes always have Candymen in the closets
Balthayzr> How nice of Father to will them a crackhouse.
Balthayzr> Something happened to Ethan Allen! He went nuts and started designing Danish Modern bedroom sets!!
BEMaven> why, you can see the Chevy on the levy from here.
Balthayzr> What happens if you say BeetleJuice 5 times?
BEMaven> okay, what's keeping Tor Johnson?
THX-1138> A giant tube to snort coke!
Balthayzr> You say his name 4 times, and he just breathes hard.
BEMaven> when they say 'candyman', i keep thinking of a carnivorous Pez dispenser.
Ironf> They say once you go candy, everything is dandy
Cthulhu> Nine out of 10 Dential Hygenists reccomend you brush after eating Candy Man.
Balthayzr> So, he comes into your house and breaks all your Waterford?
BEMaven> that's what happens when you have a serial killer clause in your marital contract.
Ironf> If you watch serial killer movie while pregnant, your kid will be "special"
Cthulhu> Just think Gentlemen.... James Carville came from that part of the world.
Cthulhu> Carville>That Ken Starr is crazy with the to-BACK-o money, Larry! WHERE'S MY GUMBO!!!
Balthayzr> Geez, they lift Mom's face any more, and she'll have to install running lights to avoid the jets.
THX-1138> Nude photos of Clay Shaw!
Ironf> Come with me to the Event Horizon
Balthayzr> Why did the CandyMan appear in a Windows98 Screensaver?
GersonK> Mom's like a Diet Faye Dunaway - half the price, none of the talent
Balthayzr> Ya know, Shaft woulda kicked this candy-ass about 2 reels ago.
THX-1138> Shaft would have had the Candyman licking his chocolate salty balls
GersonK> 'No offense, father, but your son was one weird mama-jama'
Balthayzr> Ah, poking the dead with a stick. How i whiled away the hours of my youth that way.
THX-1138> Call the zydeco, it's time to paaaaarrrrtay!
Balthayzr> And we have Wet-Streets-Because-It-Looks-Cool sign.
BEMaven> I wish they would spell 'Candyman' five times on 'Wheel Of Fortune'.
Q> hey, check it out - madonna mummy behind her there
BEMaven> Get the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing 'candyman'. The Fiend would drop dead from exhaustion.
* Q laughs her ass off at a villain who can hurl projectile flies at his enemies
THX-1138> Candyman, he knows what you did last summer
GersonK> Bonnie Hunt is Bridget Fonda in Single White Jackass
THX-1138> When attacked by Candyman, wash your privates IMMEDIATELY!
GersonK> She's pregenanat with a hive of bees
Balthayzr> Is CandyMan allergic to soap or something?
my-crow-soft> i think i might be pregnant with your bees
GersonK> 'Birds are are trying to have sex with bees, or at least, that's my understanding'
BEMaven> so they create urban legends to pad out weak movies?
Balthayzr> And there, on the movie plot, was a HOOK!!!!!
THX-1138> Death by defenestration, 50points
Balthayzr> That hook is never gonna heal if he keeps poking it into folks.
Balthayzr> So, what's upsetting her more? Being murdered, or that a Negro is in her house?
my-crow-soft> so.. their town is 356 days of marty gras ?
Q> bacchus was a redneck! who knew?
Q> bacchus: trailer trash of the pantheon. he lived in a winnbago down in mt olympus
BEMaven> of course, the appearance of the Animal House Death Float would bright this movie up. trailer park
Balthayzr> Oh, too bad. Movie got rained out.
THX-1138> Candyman is really just angry because of all his cavaties.
Ironf> At least it's better than the killer ants CGI stuff
BEMaven> he was caught in New Orleans and lynched in Kansas?
Balthayzr> I'm suprised Vince McMahon hasn't turned this into a wrestling angle, yet.
Ironf> This is where the PMS/D-Lo stuff is going
THX-1138> They're gonna confine him into an electronic mountain fortress!
BEMaven> 'that's your mommy. she's pretty for boozing bitch.'
BEMaven> Philip Glass went home and left his cat on the piano.
Balthayzr> Wow, someone tied an entire New Age Crystal store over the kid's bed.
Balthayzr> I learned that mirrors do not a good plot device make.
Q> i learned that phillip glass is a soundtrack whore, or has been ripped off big time
Balthayzr> I learned that, whether your chasing an ornery slave, or whether your a serial killer with a hook for a hand, it never pays to toy with your victims. Just kill them, and move on.
BEMaven> Oh, yes. I did learn that dull repetitive New Age music goes perfectly with a dull repetitive plot.

CANDY IS DANDY, BUT LIQUOR IS QUICKER.
"You will all be punished"
"The guy's a freakin' freak."

TRICK OR TREAT?

BEMaven> if your into health foods, you have to say 'carobman'.
Cthulhu> If you are into Black Sabbath you say "Ironman."
Cthulhu> I smell sex and Candy Man.
Balthayzr> If you like Tim Allen, you say Handyman.
BEMaven> if you're diabetic, you have to say 'aspartameman'.
Balthayzr> If you say Mandy-man 5 times, Barry Manilow comes after you.
BEMaven> what if you did 'candyman' five times in charades?
THX-1138> He'd kill you softly...kill you softly.
GersonK> What if you just said "chocolate dude" five times?
Balthayzr> What if you say Candyman in Semafore flags?
BEMaven> i think he would tear you apart one syllable at a time.
Q> what if you said "sammy davis jr" five times?
GersonK> He'd poke your eye out
Q> what if you just thought "candyman" real intensely five times?
BEMaven> maybe he would kill the Amazing Kreskin, Q.
GersonK> What if you wrote the ascii numbers corresponding to candyman five times?
Balthayzr> What if you looked in a hand-mirror and said candyMan? Would he show up as a midget?
Balthayzr> What if a deaf person signed "CandyMan"?
Balthayzr> What if you feed CandyMan after Midnight?
GersonK> What if a tree said candyman in the forest and nobody was there?
Balthayzr> What if you just said Candyman once a month for 5 months?
BEMaven> what if you say five times while having hiccups?
Ironf> he blows up
Balthayzr> What if you stutter?
Cthulhu> Then you turn into Max Headrom.

Mr. Triple Threat, Clive Barker, is not a stranger to the HomeGame, having written the past HGs "Lord of Illusions" and "Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth," as well as appearing in "Sleepwalkers." Clive was born in England in the mid-1900s and always wanted to be involved in "making pictures." Encouraged by the voices in his head, Clive has gone on to be one of the lesser successful horror writers around, allowing him to provide much material for our fine HomeGame products.

Like his older brother, game show host Bob Barker, as well as most of Hollywood, Clive has adopted a pet charity - The Pediatric SAIDS Foundation. Recognized by the neon green polkadotted yellow and brown stripped ribbon, the group seeks to raise money for SAIDS (Simian Acquired Immune Dificiency Syndrome caused by SIV) research in hopes of finding a cure and saving the lives of hundreds of monkeys. Started by Michael Jackson in the late 1980s, the group now numbers in the teens.

When he's not busy with his writing, Clive devotes his time to his Bob's company, Bob Barker Company, Inc., in which he is a member of the board, and raising award winning show lobsters.