LEATHER MUGGINGS
Ironf> The future is about to get two huge lumps.
Djenk> Heavy Metal version of Cameo.....folks we're in trouble.
Ironf> And just off camera Tommy is beating someone.
Balthayzr> Or himself, Iron.
KevinL1> You know, this movie has SFC Original written all over it, yet it's not.
whitelion1> the cheap version of footloose.
Djenk weeps as the band sucks all the funk out the song.
Balthayzr> In the future, it appears the new currency is silicone.
Plumm> So, I'm confused. Raul Julia is the Chinese stripper?
Cthulhu> I could watch those stairs all day.
Balthayzr> And they bump into Le femme Nakita.
BryanL> Cut the CHEESE?
Ironf> ahh breathy voiceovers.
BryanL> Rule One: NEVER let Pam do voiceovers.
KevinL> Rule Two: NEVER let Pam do movies, television shows, video games, radio, or anything else, ever.
Cthulhu> Tell that to Penthouse Kevin.
BEMaven> a Cease Fire commercial during 'Barb Wire'?
BryanL> She's got cybertits! This IS the future.
Plumm> Test runs of the "turning Japanese" machine.
Ironf> I'm sure the breast cups are crucial to the machine.
Balthayzr> Who's tits are more fake? Hers or Pams?
Plumm> Any reason why the future Nazis are wearing Ranger medallions?
Cthulhu> Can you tell me why I am having these odd cramps?
whitelion1> talk about your crash carts.
BEMaven> krebs? Maynard G. is part of an underground movement?
Plumm> The Beatnik Front, man!
Ironf> TINY!!!!
Balthayzr> Wow. WCW entertains the crowd outside the bar.
whitelion1> its studio 54!
Plumm> Studio 5.4
Ironf> 3 seconds of Tiny make the film worthwhile almost.
BryanL> Every single person in this movie is either bald or Bret Michaels.
Cthulhu> Half the customers are LARP Vampire players.
BEMaven> a shiek who talks like Ricky Ricardo?
Ironf> Is that Dru Barrymore's mum?
Plumm> New from Marvel: Hanson 2099.
BryanL> We have crappy heavy metal cover of "Hot Child in the City". Which means it's time to kill me.
Djenk kills Bryan.
KevinL> it's more of a Glam Rock version of Casablanca.
Ironf> ahh fakey afro.
BryanL> Wasn't he bald two scenes ago?
Plumm> LET'S WIG IT ON!!!!!
Cthulhu> Jesus! I hate to see what she wears after she punches out for the night.
Djenk> UNfortunately, this film IS happening.
Balthayzr> Mystery Science cleavage theatre 42D.
BryanL> This movie is serious evidence of the true dangers of the casting couch system.
Balthayzr> What, exactly, are her breast's motivation here?
BEMaven> divide and conquer, Balth.
Cthulhu> To bounce around and sue for silcone poisoning.
BEMaven> i'm trying to remember the last time Pamela Lee sexually excited me.
Cthulhu> I certainly can't remember.
BryanL> Are you, by chance, a casting director, BEMaven?
BEMaven> I think it was the time I mistook her for Carol Lawrence.
Balthayzr> I think she must be like a camel. She stores water in there or something.
Cthulhu> No, she California's Silicone reserve.
whitelion1> she would look strange after 2 weeks in the desert.
Ironf> midget sign.
Balthayzr> Prostitution Squad! Spread 'Em!!
Cthulhu> Every post-holocaust movie needs a midget... it's in the union rules.
Balthayzr> It's close, but she still has a little more plastic than Barbie.
Djenk prays hard that this scene doesn't go much further.
Cthulhu> Is she going to hang a picture? What's with the stud finder?
Plumm> He sure is quick with his bondage suit.
Cthulhu> That's it... there IS no God... this movie proves it.
BryanL> She's gonna shave the HELL out of that wall.
Plumm> Uh, you're supposed to put the shaving cream in his *hand* after you knock him out.
Balthayzr> Is this still the sex scene?
BryanL> Barb Wire: A film by John Won't.
Ironf> fridge-fu.
BryanL> She studies Tit Kwan Do.
Ironf> Rupaul did all the stunts. It'sssss truuuuuueee!
Q> twit kwan do, more like, bry
Cthulhu> Well the breast help build up momentum for the spin kicks.
BryanL> CLINT!
Ironf> Clint Howard, ladies and gents.
BryanL> He's the best thing in this movie.
whitelion1> where is ron?
Ironf> crying.
Balthayzr> Rubber Pamela Buggy Bumpers.
BryanL> That guy's already had three orgasms.
Ironf> Udo has to drink to work with her, and he did lots of films with Warhol.
BryanL> Four.
BEMaven> he's going to the fronts right now, ifyouknowwhatimean.
BryanL> There's five.
Cthulhu> I but you you can play a mean guitar riff on that string holding her dress together.
BryanL> It might have been resistance related. We're measuring people's ohms.
BEMaven> music to strip search by?
KevinL> We're checking a few I.D.'s, and a few Super E.G.O.'s.
Balthayzr> Poor girl, doesn't own a thing in her size.
BryanL> So, she changed from her cleavage-showing leather bodysuit to... her cleavage-showing leather bodysuit?
Balthayzr> Of course, Goodyear doesn't make anything in her size.
Ironf> So the Michelene Man had a daughter, is that so bad?
whitelion1> distinguished visitors? real actors?
Djenk is going to bed....feel free to wake me if Pamela ever chages her facial expression or her voice inflection....
Balthayzr> Come for the Glam-Rock, stay for the crotch Biting!!
Cthulhu> OH GOD!!!!! Someone kill the writers! NOW!
Ironf> I think someone confused this with a movie once.
BryanL> So. Looks like Skid Row's lead singer DOES enter into the plot.
KevinL> She might go nutso and put on a shirt.
Ironf> I lost a lot of sensation from my last enlargment.
BryanL> Seattle. The Frasier Crane Rampage still gives her flashbacks.
BEMaven> you guys should stay for Goose Line Dancing.
Balthayzr> So, what classic film should we cyber-punk up next? Bishop's Wife?
Cthulhu> No, I say the Wizard of Oz.
KevinL> Cthulhu-- Dorthy could be some gothic netrunner.
Cthulhu> Toto would be an anti-ICE program.
Ironf> NAM!!!
Balthayzr> SEATTLE!!!!!!!
BryanL> Watch out for the flashback.
Balthayzr> Full Silicone Jacket.
THX-1138> They stole this from the Snake Eyes/ Storm Shadow GI Joe comic book story line.
KevinL> Retinal contact? You stick them to the back of the inside of your eyeball? Ouch.
Cthulhu> If you don't take this job, I'll kill this egg timer!
BEMaven> yes, but do the lenses tint your eyes?
Balthayzr> You could get another body part augmentated!
BryanL> Of course, they're disposable lenses.
Balthayzr> Oh, no! Will Mr. Freeze turn our heroes into frosty-freezies?
Plumm> Sometimes you're the windshield, Colonel!
Ironf> Look, a facehugger on the back of his head.
Balthayzr> It wasn't a bubblebath when she got in.....
BryanL> Those bubbles are freakishly resilient. It looks like she's been plastered.
Balthayzr> Convenient-Sticky Bubble bath. Keeping heroines safe from nude scenes since 1965.
whitelion1> lenses=transport papers.
Cthulhu> Killer viruses? Where was this in Casablanca?
KevinL1> this whole movie's derivative, and can kill in 2 hours, so what's so special about this Red Ribbon crap?
Balthayzr> She put on some clothes, and it actually revealing MORE!!
BEMaven> you can't threaten pamela...she can't process the necessary data.
Ironf> I dunno, she seems to have two huge super processors strapped to her chest.
BryanL> Searching the place will be much easier when it's covered in shards of broken glass.
whitelion1> those are surge protecters, ironf.
BryanL> I'm guessing the music and slomo means we're supposed to feel bad about the bar being trashed, huh?
Balthayzr> Oops, sorry, Prohibition ended over 100 years ago! Our bad!
Balthayzr> Uh, why are we advertising a toddler's game now?
Cthulhu> That the mental age of most Barb Wire fans.
Cthulhu> I'm still trying to figure out who these pseudo-nazis are?
Ironf> the good guys.
Balthayzr> Liquor Commission.
Balthayzr> Cool. Cyberpunk Fat Albert!
Ironf> This is actually George Kennedy in a ton of prostetics.
Cthulhu> What the hell? That guy's got a wind chime on his helmet!
Balthayzr> Big Fatso? How many meetings did it take to come up with that???
BryanL> Jabbasmith Black Mambazo.
THX-1138 prays Pamela doesn't start to sing La Marseillaise.
Elroy-L> noooOO!!!! bon jovi is dead...
Balthayzr> What outfit is she gonna put on next? Leather pasties?
KevinL1> She's giving up her bar to become a UPS driver.
Cthulhu> So we take Casablanca, add in elements of Batman, Fat Albert, Jony Memonic, the A-Team, and the Pamela/Tommy Honeymoon tape, and we have Barb Wire?
THX-1138> Did they explain earlier if Barb was short for something?
Elroy-L> yeah, Barbiturates.
Balthayzr> "Goodbye, sweet Charlie. Your part is over, your ruining of your acting resume is thru."
KevinL1> No, no, no. His acting resume wouldn't be -completely- ruined until Event Horizon.
BEMaven> were Pamela's boobs in 'Event horizon'?
Cthulhu> Well, they did need significant mass to create a singularity, so yes.
KevinL1> On the other side is the Unoccupied Zone. That's where everybody lives.
Balthayzr> Unoccupied Zone.....Evil Empire..... a lot of thought went into location shooting for this movie, didn't it?
Cthulhu> Hey! Hey! Hey!
whitelion1> thats forbiddin, cthulu.
Balthayzr> Is Big fatso his christian name?
BryanL> This is the weirdest episode of "Roc" ever.
whitelion1> or of the A-team.
Cthulhu> OK! It one thing to rip-off Casablanca, but they crossed to line when they dragged the A-Team into this!
Plumm> I dunno, Bryan. Did you see the impotence one?
THX-1138> Megaforce!
Balthayzr> This must be a SimCity. Airport by the junkyard, next to the water.
Plumm> This is like the tragic ending of Escape from the Planet of the Apes.
BEMaven> you mean Pamela's going to throw her boobs in the ocean?
Balthayzr> It's a good thing we let government collapse, the economy's gone to hell, millions have died, but our nations construction crane's still work! GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
BEMaven> he died as he lived...too short to be a Storm Trooper.
Balthayzr> I don't remember exploding forklifts in Casablanca. Maybe on the director's cut?
KevinL1> That can't be sanitary.
BEMaven> ironically, they're bumped.
Balthayzr> So what did we learn?
Ironf> I learned that Pam films as she lives. A giant dumb boob.
whitelion1> this movie belongs NEVER to be preserved.
Balthayzr> I learned that Pam's best acting job does, indeed, involve "jobs".
Cthulhu> I learned that the next civil war will be fought over--of all places--Seattle.
BryanL> I learned that Roc had an episode about impotence.
THX-1138> I learned to hate again.
BEMaven> I learned that Pamela must have done the casting couch Triathalon to get this far in her career.
BryanL> "Boom over here, boom over there, boom everywhere".
KevinL1> Bryan, this was Barb Wire. The lyrics are "Boob over here, boob over there..."
BryanL> Why, all of a sudden, does this movie have a score?
Balthayzr> On, no! There was a song called "Don't Call Me Babe!"
Elroy-L> for god sake, Frank, push the button....
SHE'S A MANNEQUIN...
MANNEQUIN...ON THE FLOOR
"Cut the cheese. Where's my money?"
"Willis. He was a drunk with sticky fingers."
"Congressional smart grenade. Followed me all the way to my foxhole."
"You could get 2 Mill Canadian, easy."
"Red Ribbon: a deriative of HIV that kills in 12 hours."
"How utterly gall-danged heroic."
"You are charged with concealing information about a certain pair of contact lenses."
...AND CLOWNS IN THE STIR
Commercial sign
Balthayzr> I am all in favor of a prison for clowns.
Cthulhu> I'd love to see the Clown Death Row at that place.
Balthayzr> It's pretty cool. They can pack 30 clown in the gas chamber.
whitelion1> forty if they use some midgets.
Cthulhu> Yeah... and they play "No body knows" on a slide whistle.
Balthayzr> The electric chair has a whoopie cushion on it.
Cthulhu> Firing sqaud uses seltzer bottles.
BEMaven> I'd prefer death by injection.
Balthayzr> Lethal Injection goes into a rubber hand.
BEMaven> ...or being garroted by a balloon animal.
whitelion1> no, it's with a rubber chicken.
BEMaven broke his nose when he opened the Barb Wire Pop-Up Book.